I almost didn’t participate in today’s exercise. Something about the word pairing (normalizing and grief) is unsettling to me. I know my feelings are normal and I don’t feel isolated. But I don’t feel “normal.” I am finding my new normal. Most days, it still feels strange. I’ve accepted that my life will never be the same as it was before Elliot passed away. I don’t want it to be the same. At the beginning, I remember being so afraid that I’d have to pretend Elliot didn’t exist. I thought I would have to go back to my old life and just pick up where I left off, like nothing happened. I’m so glad I was wrong.

I don’t know that this image really fits with today’s subject. I found it online and couldn’t ignore it. It is absolutely stunning. It depicts how I feel most days. I guess it does fit then. This is my new normal.