I really love the song Hot Gates by Mumford and Sons. It’s definitely one of my favorite non-Avett songs. I got into the album Wilder Mind right after Elliot passed away. I wasn’t a huge Mumford fan at the time, but this album really spoke to me. It’s full of raw emotion – angst, confusion, regret, a longing for hope, and love.
Hot Gates is by far the most striking and powerful song on the album. There are two ways to interpret Hot Gates (IMO) – a plea for someone not give to up and God’s response to someone’s plea for help. I love both interpretations. I wanted to share it today because it still speaks to me, even one year later.
This song is a reminder that hope, no matter where you find it, is always there. Don’t ever give up, no matter how hard life gets.
Hot Gates
There is no great thing, to stop and sing
Waiting for the rain
And this perfect pill, it’s all too much
On the edge again
Don’t look away
Couldn’t help but note a cold disdain
In your precious face
Why do you always speak when you have no grace
In your precious face
But even in the dark I saw you were the only one alone
At these hot gates you spit your vitriol
Though you swore you wouldn’t do this anymore
And I can’t be for you all of the things you want me to
But I will love you constantly
There’s precious little else to me
And though we cry, we must stay alive
Another fragile edge, and a tender sound
And then you went aground
Near a duller blade, a promise out of sight
There’s nothing here for you tonight
But even in the dark I saw you were the only one alone
At these hot gates you spit your vitriol
Though you swore you wouldn’t do this anymore
And I can’t be for you all of the things you want me to
But I will love you constantly
There’s precious little else to me
And though we cry, we must stay alive
Let my blood only run out when my world decides
There is no way out of your only life
So run on, run on!
Walking With Elliot 
hi lori, i’m so sorry for your losses.
i found your blog through still mothers. i’m a recently bereaved mom, my daughter emma kate passed 4 weeks ago today at 25w3d. i gave birth to her march 18th and have been missing her ever since. i’ve never felt a pain like this before in my life; in the blink of an eye our futures changed and everything was taken from us. i haven’t had much time to look around at all your posts, but the birthday post for elliot really stuck out to me. i would kill for an ordinary day with emma 😦
i live in boston and notice you’re a local too…if you know of any supports groups, i’d be interested in hearing about them. the one that my hospital recommended doesn’t start until june. i’ve been doing individual therapy but think a group setting would be helpful too.
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Hi Julie. Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Emma. I love that name. Emma was the first name we considered for Elliot, actually. I remember my first few months of grief and mourning. It was the absolute worst feeling in the world. I know it’s so hard to imagine now, but it will become more bearable eventually. The grief will always be there but you will learn how to carry it and live with it. South Shore Hospital has a wonderful pregnancy loss program. I delivered there and I can’t say enough about the wonderful staff and nurses. You can contact Claire Hagan RN, group facilitator at 781-624-5015. Even if you are having a hard day and just need to talk to someone, she is a great resource. I found the support group to be very helpful, especially at the very beginning. It is so hard feeling like everyone around you has moved on. It can be a very lonely and isolating experience. Please know that you are not alone. Thinking of you and your precious Emma.
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