Tomorrow marks the start of my 19th week of pregnancy. Nineteen weeks is my half way point. My doctor and I agreed that I should be induced between 38-39 weeks, maybe 37 weeks if I absolutely cannot handle another week. I am comfortable with 38 weeks, so 38 weeks is my goal. Thirty-eight is my magic number right now, and I pray every single day that we will make it that far. We are half way there. Half way through this pregnancy. Half way to 38 weeks.
Last week, we had our anatomy scan. The baby looks perfect. She passed her scan with an A+. Seeing her on the screen brought on a flood of different emotions. Mostly happiness, relief, and excitement. As with all other milestones, fear crept in, too. I’m so in love with this baby, what if…
I just can’t bring myself to finish that sentence.
I’m doing my best to push out those what ifs and focus on what IS.
My baby is healthy. She is strong. She has a beautiful heartbeat. In this moment, I am pregnant and my baby is okay.
Pregnancy after loss is a roller-coaster of emotions. It is the hardest thing I’ve done after learning how to live without Elliot in my arms. I’m still learning how to do this. I will continue to learn how to live without Elliot in my arms for the rest of my life.
Still, I celebrate our new baby and do my best to embrace the joy and excitement of this pregnancy. Ben is so helpful in this area. He reminds me of all the positives. He helps keep me focused on the good things.
In celebration of our beautiful baby girl, we decided to share her name with family and friends.
This little miracle is Brynn Josephine Davis.
Image credit (Holding onto Hope): Grandmothers of Rainbows Support