From Despair to Celebration

Mondays used to be so hard for me. It was like my hellish reality restarted itself every Monday. Another week without my precious baby in my arms. Another week of despair added to what seemed like a never-ending countdown to the day I’ll get to see my little girl again. I dreaded Monday, not because that is the day Elliot was born on, but because it was the day my worst fears were realized.

When we found out Elliot had passed away, I was in denial. I didn’t fully believe it was true. I convinced myself that the doctors were wrong and Elliot would be a miracle baby. She would be born alive. On Monday she was born, but she was not the living, breathing baby I had prayed for. She was still my beautiful miracle though. Even though she did not live outside by body, she still lived.

She will always be my miracle.

My feelings of hopelessness and despair were at their worst in the early stages of my grief. Over time, Monday became less about Elliot’s death and more about her life and the love Ben and I share with her and because of her.

Now, Monday holds even more significance for our family. Not just any Monday though. Exactly 365 days after Elliot was born, Brynn was conceived. Even though the dates don’t line up perfectly, the days do. On the same Monday in the new year, Brynn’s life began.

Is this a coincidence? It could be, but I typically don’t believe in coincidence.
Is there a higher power in play here? Perhaps.
What does all this mean? I wish I knew.

Formerly a day full of heartache and misery, Monday is now filled with hope and relief. It is a day of celebration for both girls. I still look forward to holding Elliot in my arms again someday. But now, I also count down the days until I get to hold Brynn in my arms for the very first time.

Both days will be very sweet indeed.

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Photo by Lori Davis, taken off the shore of Ballyryan, County Clare, Ireland

❤ Elliot & Brynn ❤

 

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