Capture Your Grief – Day 21


I haven’t been participating in this project much lately. I hope to finish out the month strong, though. We’ll see…

Today’s subject is relationships. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about my relationship with Ben and how it has changed since we lost Elliot. This topic seems like perfect timing for us, especially as we go into our babymoon weekend.

I remember lying in the hospital bed after we said goodbye to Elliot, wondering what was going to happen to us as a couple. I didn’t know how anyone could survive the loss of a baby. I surely didn’t think a marriage could survive something like this. I feared the worst.  I thought Ben would blame and resent me. I worried substance abuse would consume us. This list goes on and on. I was still in shock at that point, and nothing made sense to me. It’s no surprise my mind went to the worst possible places.

Ben and I are lucky that we’ve always had a strong relationship. Through our loss, mourning, grief, and life after loss, we’ve stood together. And we’re stronger than ever. On the darkest days, he loved me when I couldn’t love myself. Losing Elliot made us realize just how fragile and precious life truly is. I think we’ve both become more patient with each other. We understand that we may not always be on the same page, but we can still be supportive of one another. I also think we make more of an effort to meet in the middle so that we can be on the same page.

When I look at Ben, I see Elliot and it makes me so happy. I am so thankful he’s my life partner and father of my babies. I could not have asked for a better person to walk through this life with. Life may not be how we imagined, but it’s still beautiful and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I truly believe we were destined to be together, and that’s how we’ll stay, in this life and the next.

Thank you for being an amazing husband and father, Ben. Your girls love you very much. ❤️

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