I've been wanting to share a video I took about three weeks before Elliot was born. I guess I feel it's too special to keep to myself. It's a happy memory. I don't remember exactly why I took this video. I think I wanted to show Ben how active Elliot was in the evenings, after [...]
Category: Love ~ Loss ~ Grief
The Accident
This is a long one... My friends and I have been talking a lot about anniversaries lately. They are bereaved moms too, so they understand how difficult it is to reach an anniversary. It seems, between all of us, we’re right in the middle of many anniversaries. The anniversaries themselves are a mixed bag – [...]
Six Months
Today is Elliot’s six month birthday. I'd like to share the letter I wrote to Elliot for the book Invisible Mothers by Emily Long. Happy six month birthday baby girl. We love you.
A Broken Heart, A Beating Heart
My heart is broken because she never had the chance to take her first breath. My heart is broken because we will never see her crawl. My heart is broken because we will never see her take her first steps. My heart is broken because we will never plan a traditional birthday celebration for her. [...]
Clarity, Acceptance, Peace
As I sit in Elliot’s room and think about the past five months, I can’t help but feel proud of how far I’ve come. I have done a lot of soul-searching recently. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my life as it is now, my family, and what I want my future to [...]
Feeling Tired
July 28th-30th marked the four-month anniversary of Elliot’s death and birth. Ben and I have come a long way since finding out Elliot had grown her angel wings. I often think back to the “early” days, when we first went home without Elliot. Thinking about those first few weeks is hard. It stings, actually. We [...]
Time, The In Between
According to Google, time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. What is it really? What does it mean to me? Some days it’s everything and other days it means nothing to me. Our lives revolve around time. You, me, the guy in [...]
The Sun Will Rise
This morning, I discovered the sunrise can be seen from Elliot's nursery window. I am usually asleep when the sun comes up. I just happened to wake up early enough today and didn't think it was worth trying to go back to sleep. As usual, I went into Elliot's room first thing to open her [...]
Letting Go of Guilt
Like most people, I have always had a rocky relationship with guilt. I really wish I could just break up with guilt permanently and be done with it. Unfortunately, that relationship just won’t end. Several years ago I called a truce with guilt. I accepted the mistakes my younger self made and then I moved [...]
The First of Many Anniversaries
One year ago today, Ben and I found out we were going to be parents. I wish I could describe just how happy we were in that moment. We fell madly in love with our baby as soon as the word “pregnant” popped up on the test stick. We’re still madly in love with our [...]
Walking With Elliot 